dinoROBOTiks's Xanga

An update about Berkeley

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 06:58:08 GMT

I've been going to school here for exactly 2 months. Idk why but it feels longer. Initially, I really didn't like Cal. And from time to time, I get into these moods where I realllly dislike Cal... it's reasonable that these moods occur around taking midterms and receiving them back. Butttt I had to, sorta did, still am getting used to it. Everything here is so crazy! The competition here really is fucking crazy! The rigorous material commands us to think so critically and conceptually that sometimes I feel like I'll burst a nerve in my brain. I don't want to think of it all negatively because I do learn a lot here but a lot of it, I learn by myself and it makes me wonder why I'm paying stacks for an education that I'm basically teaching myself out of $80 textbooks. Maybe my professors this semester aren't all that great, 2 of em didn't get great reviews on ratemyprofessor.com haha but then again, there's only so much you can teach in an hour of lecture. I've cried a couple times since I've been here from the stress but I try to learn from it. Main Stacks, the underground division of Moffit Library, has become my hiding spot. I spend hours there a day; it's so peaceful and tranquil there, perfect place for me to study... I enjoy it a lot. I used to hate studying at the library haha. Aside from class and spending hours on work and studying, I actually get a lot of free time and a lot of nap time :) I'm on a 9hr-a-day sleep cycle so I never feel exhausted. Oh and the food here is fucking delicious. Not only are their sandwiches, cafeteria food, rice bowls, smoothies, etc. edible but they are really tasty as well! Even the prepackaged foods are good; I went a week eating only the packaged noodles that they had cause they were sooo addicting. Almost everything we have has a reference to our Oski Bear mascot... telebears, bearfacts, airbears, golden bear cafe, bear market, etc. so that automatically places us in the "Cute" category :)

All in all, I have a like-dislike relationship with UC Berkeley. It's not at the point where I love it yet but it's not so bad that I have a hatred for it. Guess I'll just have to see over the next couple of years!

Sad

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:44:22 GMT

So me and him were laying down on the couch, facing each other. I was sorta staring off into space and looked back at him.

him: "you know I was just talking to you silently in my head hahah"
me: "what did you say?"
"nothing, it's not important haha"
"tell me"
"nooo, it really isnt anything"
"just tell me!"
"No, just kiss me"
"nooo, tell me... you already said something about it, how are you going to not tell me? (I hate it when ppl leave me hanging like that) I promise that I'll kiss you, no matter what you were saying in your head"

So we argued like this for like 5 min. Took a while for me to get it out of him; he was being a little stubborn ass.

me: "Just tell me, please", etc.
him: "I was just like 'baby. baby! baby, look at me! (he was saying that cause I was looking off into nowhere). baby, please don't go to Berkeley. Please don't leave, please just stay with me"

='(

Sometimes,

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 10:57:50 GMT

I fucking love my busy life. I'm almost never bored now. I'm hella used to a full load of units with a 23-28 hr workweek.

I got a housing offer from Cal. A triple in Unit 3, I was like hellllll naaaaaay but have to :|
I actually talked to my dad about going to UC Berkeley. He said that I have to stick to a plan and that if I don't at least try it out, I'll spend my whole life regretting it and wondering how it would've been. So we made an agreement to test it out for two semesters.

Yesterday was the boyfriend's 19th birthday. I got him a hella nice gray peacoat and I'm also making him something else to present to him on the day of his celebration. I spent waaay too much money on his birthday but I don't fuck around with it comes to my baby's birthday. I spent more than $50 on shit just for his invites -_- I even got a sticker machine for it; it's sooo siiiick! Yesterday, had dinner with him and his fam at Olive Garden and went back to his place. Spent hrs on finishing up the invites and just slept over there. Today, woke up, went to Kaiser then to Fremont HS to give out some of the invites, home to change, Safeway to get food, Walmart to get chocolates and lip rings, and then I had work at 6pm. Stayed later than usual and went to get some groceries for Mom in prep for Thanksgiving day. How the hell is she gonna make me bake her cornbread at midnight when I'm not even gonna eat thanksgiving dinner at home -_- Things are better now but I'd still rather work. It's only 4 hrs and I get time and a half :) Cash monaaay, rogue.

So much has happened these past weeks. Went clubbing for halloween and that was hella fun. Went clubbing the week after but it wasn't so fun cause I was hella tired after a 9 hr shift. & then a week after that was Jeli's 18th party at the Lookout. Hella good music, good dj but not that many ppl were dancing. I had hellllla fun though dancing the night away with my boo and the guys. Oh & Nov 2nd was Grace's baby's, Loretta, 1st birthday. Ahhh, she is fucking cuuuuute as fuck! & she's gonna grow up to be a badass with a mouthpiece like her mama hahaha. She's Allister's goddaughter so of course he spoiled her ass, he got her a nice ass top and a peacoat.

He woke her up from her nap when he was kissing her hahaha

Aw, can't wait til when Allister and I bring her to see Santa hahaha fuuuuck she's so chill and cute

Nothing too crazy has happened. Life is good right now. I should get off and get some sleep though. Gotta wake up early and get ready for another busy ass day. Happy Thanksgiving

Where the fuck did the time go?!

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:14:45 GMT

Fucking busy as helllll that time goes by so quickly! So I started my new position as Front End Supervisor a couple weeks ago. I'm part time so usually, my hours won't go over 30 per week but fuck, this week I got 30.5 hours of work on top of school. I know it's manageable though so I'm stickin' through.

Halloween is already coming up this friday and then Grace's baby/Allister's goddaughter, Loretta's 1st bday is this Sunday already! The girl is growing fasttttt! Can't wait to go shopping for her gift though, Allister and I are gonna get her little peacoats and cute winter clothes :)

& then it's already going to be November... Thanksgiving is gonna be coming up and my baby's 19th birthday and then by the time you know it, it'll be Christmas and then January which is the month I leave for Berkeley =/

I honestly do not want to leave at all. I'm so comfortable with my life here, with my family, boyfriend, group of friends, school, work, etc. Even though de Anza is a little like high school, I love it! It's easy to get top scores too whereas at Cal, the competition is gonna be crazzzzy!!! And classes at de Anza allow me to still maintain a job and a social life. Things are so good right now cause my parents actually don't trip off of me coming home late or not coming home at all. They didn't even give a fuck about my new lip piercing. My mom actually asked me why I didn't get my nose instead -__- They didn't give me the professionalism and appearance crap that I would expect cause I guess I've been dedicating most of my time to my work and studies and I recently got promoted.

I really do ponder whether Berkeley will upset this balance of mine and I honestly believe that it may =(((

Tired

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 08:06:13 GMT

I have a couple updates but that'll have to wait for my next blog when I have time for it. Tryna make this short so I can go to sleep soon. I've been hella busy. So when I'm not at school or work, I'm with Allister most of the time. And most of the time that we're together, we study together. Hella school-oriented right now. In trig, we had our first test and shit was only 10 problems hella easy. I think I was the first one to finish after about half an hour. Ugh, I'm wasting time... I shouldn't be in that class and learning that material that I've learned sophomore year of high school. Idk, placement tests aren't my friends =/

Busy bee

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:15:02 GMT

I've been so busy lately! So the past week, I've been working quite a lot. I had work everyday except Wednesday and Friday and had 30 hours. It was cool; it kept myself busy. When I wasnt working, I'd be out with people. However, now that school has started, I don't think it will be good for me esp. when I'm gonna be getting 26 hours a week. I only have one day off this week and it was today. Last week's hours are already taking a toll on me cause I've been hellla tired lately. But then it's sorta my fault for going out when I should be resting. Idk, we'll see how it goes for a couple weeks and if I can't handle it then I'll cut my hours. It seems so doable though!

I gotta talk about last Wednesday. I loved it. It was one of my 2 days off last week and so my boyfriend decides to take me to SF after he got out of class. He took me to Twin Peaks for the beautiful view then we went to Fisherman's Wharf for lunch and Ghiradelli's for dessert. Went around the pier for a bit and then he took me home. I fucking love it though. & I love it when we sing Hot n' Cold together in his car cause he tries to sing like Katy Perry... its cute hahaha I'm his princess cause "baby, you can have whatever you like" hahaha so I've been spoiled a bit =X

And I fucking miss Karen Aquino! Hopefully I can come down to Santa Barbara with hella heads for Halloween!

On, off, on, off, on again

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:13:37 GMT

So the past couple of weeks have sorta been eventful. He broke up with me and I was really sad. It wasn't like how it was with my ex #1 though but I was sad. We didn't see or talk to each other for a while. And then we started hanging out again which wasn't that awkward but it was hard for me. I still had those feelings for him and it was hard hearing stuff from his best friend and his sisters about how he misses me and how he looks at me when I'm not looking or when I'm walking in front. It hurt when we'd hug each other goodbye and I'd just want to hold on for a little longer and it esp. hurt the time when I was at his house hanging out with his sisters. I knew he had work and I wasn't expecting him but he came home for a quick sec for his lunch break. When he came home, he hugged and kissed his sisters and then he came over to me and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. It hurt when he left me with a quick hug cause I knew that he simply forgot and that the kiss was a mistake in the first place. Welllll, the chemistry was definitely still there. Yesterday, he took me to Hunter's Pt at night. Our favorite time to go there cause it's dark and you get a perfect overlook of the city and its lights. It took a lil while before we got on the subject of our breakup. Not gonna say everything cause it was a long conversation but this was cute...
him: "Don't you realize though? That I feel like a fool? Tryna dress up when I'm missing you?"
me: "Omg shut up! I can't believe you! You're a jerk, that was the song I listened to after you broke up with me. hahah"
him: "hahaha I do miss you though."

And then there was this whole conversation of how he missed me and how things were and how he wanted me back. A lot of you are gonna call me stupid but Idc, I missed him too. We're back together. I've already talked to everyone whose opinions matter to me, except my family. Not that they would've altered my decision cause I've never been the one to not go after what I want just cause of what someone else thinks. It's good to know though that even though some think it's a bad idea, they got my back no matter what. And to those that want to keep talking shit or whatever, remember... the decision is ultimately mine and it's my life so let me live it how I want to live it.

And to that crazy psycho bitch, please stop what you're tryna do. It makes you look like a fool because you guys weren't even talking talking so how are you going to try to have people keep an eye out for him and restrict him? And stop saying shit about me cause i swear one more thing out of your mouth and ima tell you straight up on how it is. I'll say this that it's sad how you have to change yourself to be similar to me to have him like you. And for you to say shit like what's wrong with him and "isn't this how Julie acts around you guys?" Nooooo, we are two verrry different people. Even if you guys got together, jealousy, restriction, and plain psycho-ness scares him. You weren't and aren't able to do a lot of things for him either. Would you have been able to go out on dates with him? Would you be able to always be there for him, emotionally and physically? Would you be there to honk his horn for him when a dumb bitch cuts him off? Would you have been able to feed him when he's hungry? Buy him a #1 at in-n-out with an extra double-double? Or stop by his house late at night to bring him food? Would you be able to come to his house in the mornings just to watch the food channel with him and not be grossed out while he's wearing nothing but his cute, washed out boxers with little cars printed on them? I'm his downass bitch and his ass is mine ever since April 17th, when we signed each others' asses.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 19:16:04 GMT

When you say stuff like how you've missed me and how it feels nice to be able to chill again, I understand that you've missed me as a friend. But when I tell you that I've missed you, I mean it in a different way. It's a bad thing that I even hang out with you again but shit, I've missed you sooo much. It sucks how I often times look in the distance, afraid that if I take too many glances of you, you'll notice. It still hurts... like when you jokingly ask me where I got the necklace you got me that I still wear.

And then there's this other thing where my mom's being a fucking crazy psycho bitch. She keeps bringing up the same shit over and over and over again. It's so fucking frustrating and annoying. Like earlier, I was just tryna find something to eat and then she suddenly brings this shit up about falling in love. I swear she's so fucking superficial and shallow. I don't even wanna come home cause of her. I talk to my dad about my shit and its cool cause he listens and gives advice but then he goes and tells my mom and thats how her crazyass finds out about my shit so then she says the most ridiculous shit to me ever. I'm rly stubborn so our conversations about that kind of stuff always ends up really bad. FUCK, I'm soooooo frustrated!!!!

Hurting...

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:51:01 GMT

My heart was way more into our relationship than his, I guess. It sucks and it hurts. Even though I'm doing hella better than how I was the first time, I do miss him a lot deep down inside. I've been out so much and I have been having a lot of fun with the family and friends but he's always in the back of my mind and I get sad at random times of the day.

I went to SF today with my cousins, brother, and Tim. We went to Union Square, Filmore, and Haight Ashbury. Afterwards, I was supposed to go to Amanda's goodbye shindig but it was done with and they were gonna watch a movie but I decided to go to Boomer's goodbye thing instead. Kicked it at Homestead Lanes with Fitz, Leroy, Dean, Ben, Maricris, Karena, Keith, Boomer, Sean, and Chris. A couple of us went to Taco Bell afterwards to eat but Sean and I were on the involuntary lovesick diet haha. Had some really good heartwarming moments with the guys. Sean and I decided to go to Mychael's after to chill with him for a bit. I'm so glad that Sean and I are talking again cause he's such a good listener. We were hella having deep conversations today about relationships and guys/girls. Before, me and him weren't talking at all cause of stupid shit but after what happened, Sean texted me to see if I was okay and then we started talking and hanging out again. Good thing cause I hella missed my Seany boy lovecakes <3

"only cause I wuvs you"
"I wuvs you more nigga -_-"

Monday, August 11, 2008

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 07:30:44 GMT

Hmm, besides from the cut hours at work, everything's pretty good. I would like to work a little bit more though. It's whatever.

Friday night, I was reminded of why I don't drink. Allister, Mychael, Justin, and I went to Kenny's 18th at Staybridge Suites. Really nice place. We went around 9:30 I think and there were hella people in the room. It was hott and it smelled like pot. People were hellllla buzzed/borderline wasted. Hella funny though and it was great seeing hella people again. I miss them all! Anyways, before that day, the last time I drank was at Jared's 18th and that didn't go well at all. This time I was more cautious but I ended up getting hella fucking sick and throwing up like a bitch. It was not pretty at all and so I concluded that my body has no tolerance for alcohol (at least for the hard shit). So that's the end of it--no more drank! Well the party was getting a lil out of control and we weren't gonna be the ones caught up in it if the cops came so we bounced. I was supposed to drive to Milpitas but then I just crashed it at Allister's cause I wasn't feeling very good to drive.

Saturday morn, I left Allister's to go to my aunt's in Milpitas to chill with the frenchies for a couple of hours. Then I went to get Melfred and we went to Nate's bday/college kickoff party shindig. It was hella cute... we walked in and Uncle Cris was like "oh there's my Julie!" and gave the biggggest hug that lifted me off the ground hahah and then Auntie Maret was like "hmm, how come I don't get a hug like that? I only get a boring hug!" so I hugged her and made her pick me up off the ground like how Uncle Cris did hahaha. I looove them. Hella people were at Nate's; It was pretty cool. He had a DJ in the evening so we danced it up a lil. Left at 10 cause I was getting tired. Paula came over hella later to sleep over at my house. I was hella tossing and tumbling over her fatass hahaha

Today, I hella slept in ughhh. Paula left in the afternoon and got ready and just chilled. Went to work... only 4 hours but it was one of those long 4 hr shifts cause I didn't have shit to do! Afterwards, I went by Sports Authority to visit the boyfriend then I went home and to Milpitas. Cousins, bro, and I went to Walmart to get candy, lipstick, nail polish, dvds, and condoms hahahahaha It's a tourist thing pshhh haha. Claire is fuckn shameless dude! hahaha After all that, we went to the new Frozos in Milpitas. Ran into Phu and Chris. Went to Q-Cup to get food/drinks and I just wanna say that it's lame how fobby ass viet "gangstas" chill there and think they're all cool smokin their cigs at fuckin 11pm... WHY Q-CUP?! hahaha I'd compare it to middle school kids kickin it at the movies/mall for helllla days. We went back to my aunt's to watch a movie and then I left at around 1.

Gosh, I'm such a pushover. It annoys the shit out of me when people use me but I'm too nice and don't say shit. Whatever, it will only be so long til my patience runs thin with this bitch. I'm tellin' youuuu GET OFF OF IT SHIIIIET.

Some of my fav shots of the day of Amanda's cotillion: